I am so incredibly sad and full of regret today. Today is the first year anniversary of the death of my brother, Jimmy.

My Brother Jim

When I received the phone call last year, Jan 7, 2009, that my brother had died in a terrible gun cleaning accident. I was actually in my bedroom packing to go back east and visit my family for the first time in 21 years.

I hadn’t even spoken to anyone the whole time other then my one sister who found me on myspace the year before and we started talking online. I have terrible anxiety and panic attacks when I start thinking of the past and going to visit and such. My doctor gave me some xanax and told me to go and see them, which is what I was on my way to do. However it ended up being my brothers funeral that I attended instead of a family “reunion”. The day of his funeral was my birthday,  Jan 12.

I have so much guilt built up inside of me from not telling him that I loved him and missed him before he was gone. We always think that we have all the time in the world to tell someone that we love them and that we care. But in reality live is short and one never truly knows how long any of us have.

To get away from my childhood problems, I ran also from my brothers and sisters which wasn’t fair to them at all. It wasn’t their fault.

Please tell me, how does one deal with such regret?

4 Eggs

¾ teaspoon Salt

2 ½ cups Milk

1 cup Flour

4 Tablespoons Butter

Sliced Peaches

Honey (or powdered sugar)

Preheat oven to 425°F. Put a 10-inch oven-proof heavy skillet, (I use my cast iron) in the oven for 10 minutes. Meanwhile, in a blender (or mixer) combine eggs, honey, salt and milk. Next add flour. Mix till blended smooth. Add butter to the pan in the oven. When butter is melted, pour batter into hot pan. Bake for 25 minutes, or till well browned. It’s done when it won’t jiggle or when knife inserted comes out clean. Serve immediately. Cut wedges and top with peaches and honey (or powdered sugar). I prefer the honey personally.

Here is a picture of mine right when I took it out of the oven.

This is so incredibly yummy and there are so many variations that you can do. Instead of honey you could use different syrups or different fruits would awesome also. I was actually thinking of doing raspberries and raspberry syrup next time.

Enjoy:-)

I am watching the movie Julie to Julia and what a fabulous idea of blogging completely through Julia Childs cookbook. As much as I love to cook I thought it would be a brilliant idea especially with how much I adore Julia and her cooking.

Today Brianna, Carlos, David and I went to see the incredible movie called The Blind Side. I have to say that Sandra Bullock did a fabulous job as well as Tim McGraw. But holy smokes Jae Head was incredible and absolutely hilarious. He was incredible!!! It was the first time that I have ever seen him.

This is a fabulous story about how each of us should be. I believe that we are all put on this earth to serve others. I think that is God’s wishes for us.

We can all learn from this incredible act of love, courage and compassion.

When you begin the journey of facing and dealing with your past, you may be astonished at where it all leads you. Embrace the uncertainty that presents itself, don’t be afraid to veer left, then right, or do a flip flop. It is progress toward rediscovering yourself and discovering the unique self that you are.

If you feel the need to avoid some issues because the pain seems unbearable, that’s okay. It all starts with baby steps. Take your time and don’t push your self too hard or harshly. With each step you take with dealing with past hurtful issues the easier it becomes.

Your spirit will evolve in whatever is right for you. Let it flow and just allow yourself to be — and all you have become will slowly emerge. This will to allow you to remove the toxicity, the pretense, the fear, and the resistance. Soon, you will feel what it’s like to just be yourself, in touch with your nature, and totally prepared to plant and harvest your new garden.

I have been pondering this thought all day today. Well in between tweeting about my daughter being in New Zealand and the Tsunami warnings I am scared to say the least.

Moving right along… I have to keep my mind off of the bad things. Remember the Law of Attraction???

So how does one go about growing and developing in their thoughts and the way they see things and react to things? You see some people who are always happy and you wonder what are you missing…

Well for me it all boils down to the way I start my day. If I don’t start my day off right then it completely affects how I react to every situation the entire rest of my day. So I will give you my daily morning routine and you can follow that or adjust it to what fits better for you.

1) My morning prayer before I get out of bed. I follow the A.C.T.S formula to help me pray powerfully. I   learned this in my new Christian 101 class with Pastor Mark and Sally.

A - Adoration - which is defined as “an emotion composed of profound admiration, utmost love, and devotion - to love an honor with intense devotion.” Few Christians spend much time in their prayer life adoring God, yet it is in adoration that God pours His love into our hearts through the Holy Spirit (Rom 5.5). Adoration is a muscle which needs to be exercised. Psalms provide a good model of men who adored God. Also, in Luke 1:46-55, Mary adores God with Elizabeth for the great things He has done. Adoration, therefore, is reverent and loving conversation with God, reflecting on His nature and works.

C - Confession - is agreeing with God that you have broken His standards and His heart — acknowledging your faults to God, both attitudes and actions inconsistent with the person of Christ

T - Thanksgiving - is telling God how grateful you are for everything He has given, even those unpleasant things you cannot understand. Thanking God will help you understand His purpose.

S - Supplication - is making specific requests of God on behalf of yourself and others. Often when we have adored God, confessed, and thanked Him, He helps us pray accordingly.

2) My gratitiude walk. I walk every single morning with Robert and our 4 legged kids;) I always walk in silent while I focus on all the things that I am grateful for. I even talk to God silently and thank him for whatever comes to my mind.

3) 1 hour of mental training with a motivator or mentor. Each week I try to do someone different. Tony Robbins is one of my favorite. This week however I am doing a course (actually 10 days) called The New Psycho-Cybernetics: A Mind Technology for living your life without limits by Dr. Maxwell Maltz and Dan Kennedy.

Well that about wraps up my morning. I know it seems like a lot of time but it really isn’t if you think about it. It is SO worth it to me and I get so much more done through out the day then when I don’t do it. I am able to stay focused and relaxed.

I hope this helps some of you and if you need any help don’t hesitate to let me know.

Cheers

Hey guys sorry I haven’t written in a couple days but I have been swamped.

I had a wonderful weekend on Sunday. I am loving my Christian 101 class with Sally, Pastor Mark and the rest of the gang:) At church we had an awesome Missionary that has been in Madagaskar since 2000. They are doing a fabulous job over there with the street kids. They have opened the Street Kid Center and is growing at an astounding rate. They are teaching the kids that would not get any education at all if it wasn’t for them. They also feed then and etc. I wish I could go over there.

Brittani is feeling much better these days but boy oh boy do I miss her. I can’t believe still that she is going to be a Mama soon. She will be an awesome one though.

I also miss Bri very much and can’t wait for her to get here on the 8th. We are going to have an awesome Oktoberfest and family reunion.

Well have to run for my coaching class.

Live Strong and Live With Passion!

Well Brittani got her ultrasound done today but there was a big misunderstanding. We can’t find out the gender until the 20th of next month

However I do have a couple pictures of my new Grandbaby!

Brittani said it was amazing seeing her baby for the first time. I am so happy for her and Ben. I can’t wait to get over to New Zealand and visit them.

Can you believe the detail in these pictures? It is amazing.

Even though I was bummed that I didn’t get to find out rather I am having a Granddaughter or a Grandson, it sure was awesome seeing my little Grandbaby for the first time